||[Sep. 5th, 2004|01:47 am]
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied
Wow, I have seriously just recieved the most sentimental, and heart felt email,I am ever going to get.|
I know I've been all, against all guys lately, but there is one, that deserves WAY more credit than I have ever given him. I never mention him, or the things he does for and to me. I never remember to exclude him from the "I hate every boy" statements... because, he is the one boy I can always count on, no matter what. I never fully take into consideration just how lucky I am to have this boy around, and I think I ought to do that a little more often. I'm always complaining that I have no one to fall back on, and that everyone just uses me.. then leaves me to just, rot. But, I have yet to think about the two people that are, uhm... always there for me.. Ashlee and my Timmy. Without these two, I honestly do not know where I'd be. And the whole thing with Ashlee, is a rather akward story, but she has been the best friend that I girl could ever ask for, and I love her with all of my heart.
And my Timmy, oh gosh.. where do I even start? Wow, thank you Livejournal, for being the source of our introduction, though. I've known him for only a few months, but he has proven to be the one guy in my life that has yet to stab me in the back, or take me for granted. My father couldn't even do that-- he left me to fend for myself, but then, there's a boy, who lives so far away from me, that just.. makes up for every mishap in my life. And I have yet to show him just how much I care for him, and everything he's done for me.
Without him, I would have made some of the most obsurd decisions of my life, and he is just.. the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's nice to know that when you're down and somethings wrong, you have someone to turn to, constantly.. no matter what the circumstances are. Even if I don't want to listen to him at the moment, he knows what's right, and is always telling me.. And it's what I need at this point and time in my life, and I cannot be any more thanful for having him than I already am.
And I have recently come to the conclusion, that I really truly do LOVE this boy, with a passion greater than no other. I find myself wondering about him, and his whereabouts every free minute that I get. I think about the future we'll hopefully someday have, and I think about how great it is, that we've met. He has turned my life upside down, and made it so much better. He is one of the few reasons I'm still here, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without him by my side, guiding me throughout my everyday stuggles.
He's not only an awsome friend, he IS in fact, next to Ashlee, my best friend... And just, something to rely on. Something so sturdy, and you know that it will never ever fail you, or break when you need it the most.
I cannot express my feelings for him, even if I could use all the words I wanted to. The way I feel for him is just oh so strong, and I just pray and thank God for the chance to know him, and have him there for me.
But I think I need to shut up now, seeing as how no one will ever really understand the feelings that I have for this boy.. It's something so unreal, and it just feels like a fairytale.. that's all that I can say to try to explain it. It feels like I'm living a dream, and.. I'm going to wake up someday, and he'll be gone. And I hope that will never happen.. I hope he stays by my side forever, because I know that I will always continue to be here for him, despite what happens.
This is so unbelievable..
My heart truly does belong to this boy.